HAVING AN AMAZING DOCTOR/OBGYN OFFICE
I had a terrible experience with my doctors when I was pregnant with Maya, so I wanted to make sure that if I were to get pregnant again I had a completely different experience. My new doctor is AMAZING; she reassures me, listens to me, UNDERSTANDS ME, does not ever judge me – I can tell she really cares about me, and about me delivering a living child. If I am worried, I can go in and they will take the time out of their busy schedule to run in with a doppler so I can hear my babies heartbeat. Whenever I leave I always leave feeling confident and excited for my new visit. Pregnancy after loss is hard enough as it is, but what is harder is not feeling like you have support and genuine care from your provider. Do your research, ask around, and make sure you find the office/doctor for you.
HAVING A HOBBY
Having a hobby that I thoroughly enjoy makes it easier to keep myself in a peaceful mind state. I can work on my hobby – writing, gardening – instead of worrying about the possible outcomes of the future. It also helps me to stay in the present moment, and we need that more than ever when we are dealing with constant fear and anxiety.
Go get those shoes you have been eyeing forever, get that hair cut you have been putting off, splurge on a nice pedicure or new dress. Whatever you want, do it. Make time for yourself, and don’t ever feel bad for taking advantage of well deserved “me time.” We have been through the worst and now we’re stepping back into those murky waters, so we at least deserve a sweet new bathing suit! 😉
HAVING MUSIC OR A PODCAST PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND
Doing dishes, folding laundry, organizing your draws, whatever mindless task you are doing, that task can easily turn your day into an endless pit of over thinking. Listening to upbeat music or music that makes me nostalgic helps keep my spirits up, and I might dance a little too. Podcast are great for having something to think about besides the possibilities of what “could” happen. Find a podcast that really speaks to you and keeps you thinking about everything but the bad stuff. And sometimes we can’t help but let some of the bad stuff in, and that’s okay too. Be easy on yourself.
HAVING REASSURING FAMILY AND FRIENDS (IN PERSON OR ONLINE)
We all need friends and family who truly believe in us and want every outcome in our lives to be a positive one. I can’t stand when you are telling someone how scared you are and they say something along the lines of, “well just stay positive” or “don’t let your negative thinking hurt the baby.” Responses like these are absolutely infuriating. Having friends and family who listen and reassure you by letting you know your feelings are valid and normal can make everything seem okay, even if that is only for a moment.
I started going to beginner meditation classes before I got pregnant and it has been instrumental to my healing process. You don’t need to go to a class, you can look up guided meditations on Youtube. I prefer the classes because I am one of those people who has a hard time doing something if I am not being made to do so. Mediation teaches you to stay in the moment and to only think about what is happening in that moment.
TALKING TO OTHER MOMS WHO ARE PREGNANT AFTER LOSS
Only other moms who experienced a pregnancy loss can truly understand what you are going through, so it is important to keep in contact with those who know. A local support group, online groups, or friends you have made along the way. Share ideas, support each other, reassure one another.
It is okay to not be okay
I would like to add the importance of always doing what is right for YOU. There is no perfect way to grieve, heal, cope, etc. What is best for you, is simply best for you. Sometimes it is easy to look at what everyone else is doing, and seeing the amazing results they may be having, and then looking at yourself, wondering ‘what is wrong with me’ or ‘why am I not having those amazing results.’ But I can assure you that there is nothing “wrong” with you. We all have bad days, none of us are perfect and not one of us holds the perfect recipe for happiness. We are all doing our best and that deserves an award alone. ♥