Diary Entry #5

6/18/19 10:02 pm

I have been having quit the existential crisis lately. I am so proud of myself for graduating high school and so excited to be able to explore the endless amount of possibilities/opportunities that are now at my fingertips, however I am scared it’s too late. Scared that by the time I figure out where I want to be, what I want to be, I will be “too old”. I wish I would have found this program that helps people like me graduate high school years ago, so at least I wouldn’t be years behind everyone else. I understand I have time, I have heard the stories of 85 year olds going back to college and getting their degrees, but I still can’t shake the feeling I wasted too much time. I am going to start community college this fall and even though I am really excited to finally enroll in college, I have no clue what I want to be or where I am going from here, and it terrifies me.

I have also been feeling very pregnant lately (ha). But seriously, so fucking pregnant. Everything itches, I am super hormonal, hungry, and bored. Also I don’t know if its the pregnancy brain, how busy I have been, or both, but I have been truly lacking with my writing and blog which frustrates me. I can’t think of a blog post so I have trying to stay consistent with my daily Diary Entry’s, which I know I haven’t been. Being pregnant is hard work, and being pregnant after a stillbirth is.. I really don’t know how to put into words how truly difficult it is. I am scared, anxious, and my thoughts moved a million times a minute. It’s exhausting physically and emotionally.