9:13 am 7/1/19
I feel blank. I wish I could write out my feelings, I wish I had something to express, but I don’t. I feel like the closer to my due date I get the more this blankness keeps suffocating me.
A few days ago it was my sons 2nd birthday, his 2nd birthday in heaven.. maybe that is why I feel this way. I feel exhausted, mentally drained, tired. I am trying though: I am writing in my diary, I am going to get as much as I can get done today (without overdoing it physically), I am going to try.
Life is hard. I have no idea where I am going, what I am doing, and it is incredibly frustrating. Feeling like I am floating along is fucking frustrating—beyond expression at this moment. What am I doing? What is happening? Where will I be in 5 years? Is everything going to be okay? Will I ever figure it out?
I guess I am just having one of those days. Or weeks. Or maybe it’s been a month now? :p