Diary Entry #1

5/19/19 9:24 pm Today was an okay today, considering how hard the last week has been. My car got broken into for the second time (the first time they smashed my window), and they stole everything out of my glove box, which I had forgotten to take out my pink slip. We are also not…

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Pregnancy Update!

  How’s the Baby? She’s great! She moves constantly, which is the best feeling in the world. After losing my son one of the things I looked forward to most about being pregnant again was feeling those little kicks, and she is quit the kicker so I am incredibly lucky. My boyfriend and I love…

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The Gift He Gave Me

    I never heard Maya cry, I never saw him open his eyes. When he was laid down on my chest he was not moving, or screaming, he was completely silent and still. Seeing him for the first time, I was shocked that we created him, that together my boyfriend and I made a…

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What Has Helped Me With My Pregnancy After Loss

  HAVING AN AMAZING DOCTOR/OBGYN OFFICE I had a terrible experience with my doctors when I was pregnant with Maya, so I wanted to make sure that if I were to get pregnant again I had a completely different experience. My new doctor is AMAZING; she reassures me, listens to me, UNDERSTANDS ME, does not…

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The Man We All Feared – My accounts of an abusive childhood

  When I was around 5 years old my Mom moved my two brothers and I, from Santa Cruz to Sunnyvale, because she got a job working in Nordstrom’s shoe department with benefits (perfect for a single mom with 3 young children). My Grandpa helped my Mom with a downpayment on a home in a…

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Cautiously Announcing That We Are PREGNANT!

  My boyfriend took this picture the other morning on the way to tell my WHOLE ENTIRE family THAT I AM FUCKING PREGNANT! I can’t believe I am typing this,

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7 Things I Wish I Knew Before My Stillbirth

         1. That stillbirths still happen and I am not the only one       (1 in 100) When I was in the hospital after I had given birth, I wanted to run away. Run somewhere I didn’t know anyone and no one could find me. I felt so isolated sitting…

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Losing my “Dad” and son in the same week.

In June of 2017 it was an incredibly hot summer in California, especially warmer for a myself being I was in my third trimester. My partner and I were tying up all the loose ends: getting the baby’s car seat set up in my car, cleaning up around the house, organizing and washing his clothes,…

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Maya Richard – My Little Boy

  I cherish the times we had together baby. I think of you every second of everyday. I remember when I played shaggy “it wasn’t me” and you would start kicking. I remember when I would put on the blender or use the vacuum you would kick so hard I would think, okay baby boy…

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