Stillborn But Still Born: My Son Who I STILL Love More Than Anything.

As I kid I would ask my mom “Why did you have so many kids when it hurts so bad to give birth?” and she would always say “Because as soon as you hold your child for the first time, all that pain goes away instantly and you are just in love, a love like…

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Diary Entry #4

6/16/19 Wow, I have been so busy lately. I was moving Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, and have been trying to reorganize and get my house together in a way that makes me happy: decorating, organizing, cleaning, weeding etc. I am also approaching the the 2 year anniversary of my grandpa/dad dying and my son’s birthday.…

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Graduating High School at 22!

I should have been class of 2014, but I am here, class of 2019— finally graduating! Why didn’t you graduate with your class in 2014? School always had the same theme for me: I wouldn’t do my homework, and when I was in class I had no idea what was going on. I would sit and…

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Pregnancy Update!

  How’s the Baby? She’s great! She moves constantly, which is the best feeling in the world. After losing my son one of the things I looked forward to most about being pregnant again was feeling those little kicks, and she is quit the kicker so I am incredibly lucky. My boyfriend and I love…

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The Gift He Gave Me

    I never heard Maya cry, I never saw him open his eyes. When he was laid down on my chest he was not moving, or screaming, he was completely silent and still. Seeing him for the first time, I was shocked that we created him, that together my boyfriend and I made a…

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What Has Helped Me With My Pregnancy After Loss

  HAVING AN AMAZING DOCTOR/OBGYN OFFICE I had a terrible experience with my doctors when I was pregnant with Maya, so I wanted to make sure that if I were to get pregnant again I had a completely different experience. My new doctor is AMAZING; she reassures me, listens to me, UNDERSTANDS ME, does not…

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Cautiously Announcing That We Are PREGNANT!

  My boyfriend took this picture the other morning on the way to tell my WHOLE ENTIRE family THAT I AM FUCKING PREGNANT! I can’t believe I am typing this,

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7 Things I Wish I Knew Before My Stillbirth

         1. That stillbirths still happen and I am not the only one       (1 in 100) When I was in the hospital after I had given birth, I wanted to run away. Run somewhere I didn’t know anyone and no one could find me. I felt so isolated sitting…

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