Diary Entry #2

5/22/19 7:58 Lately I have been doing a lot of reflecting about my anger and what how it has shaped myself and how I interact with others. Being anger has always been a safety net for me; kept me away from people who hurt me, made others keep a distance, and always saved me from…

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Meeting My Dad For The First Time When I was 17!

The story My Mom met my father through her friend when she was 19, I call him Uncle Damian. My Dad had left Stockton to come to Santa Cruz to hangout by the beach and sell drugs. Knowing my mom, and knowing how she was when she was a young girl, she probably thought my…

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Diary Entry #1

5/19/19 9:24 pm Today was an okay today, considering how hard the last week has been. My car got broken into for the second time (the first time they smashed my window), and they stole everything out of my glove box, which I had forgotten to take out my pink slip. We are also not…

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Pregnancy Update!

  How’s the Baby? She’s great! She moves constantly, which is the best feeling in the world. After losing my son one of the things I looked forward to most about being pregnant again was feeling those little kicks, and she is quit the kicker so I am incredibly lucky. My boyfriend and I love…

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What Has Helped Me With My Pregnancy After Loss

  HAVING AN AMAZING DOCTOR/OBGYN OFFICE I had a terrible experience with my doctors when I was pregnant with Maya, so I wanted to make sure that if I were to get pregnant again I had a completely different experience. My new doctor is AMAZING; she reassures me, listens to me, UNDERSTANDS ME, does not…

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The Man We All Feared – My accounts of an abusive childhood

  When I was around 5 years old my Mom moved my two brothers and I, from Santa Cruz to Sunnyvale, because she got a job working in Nordstrom’s shoe department with benefits (perfect for a single mom with 3 young children). My Grandpa helped my Mom with a downpayment on a home in a…

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Cautiously Announcing That We Are PREGNANT!

  My boyfriend took this picture the other morning on the way to tell my WHOLE ENTIRE family THAT I AM FUCKING PREGNANT! I can’t believe I am typing this,

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7 Things I Wish I Knew Before My Stillbirth

         1. That stillbirths still happen and I am not the only one       (1 in 100) When I was in the hospital after I had given birth, I wanted to run away. Run somewhere I didn’t know anyone and no one could find me. I felt so isolated sitting…

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Ari’s Intro

I have always been told I should start a blog and put more effort into my writing, so here I am. I have never been excellent at expressing my feelings, especially my sadness or grief(great at anger though), but writing my feelings and thoughts down has always been easy.

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